


Textual Chemistry

by perfect_plan



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Texting, past abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2014-12-18
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2796119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfect_plan/pseuds/perfect_plan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is still reeling from the break-up of a terrible relationship and he doesn't appreciate his best friend trying to set him up with someone new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Textual Chemistry

**Author's Note:**

> The name of this fic is shamelessly borrowed from the movie Young Adult.

Bucky _really_ doesn't want to be here tonight. He knows he shouldn't have let Nat talk him into this because now he's just even more pissed and resentful than he was earlier.

"James, you have to leave the house. You can't stay in and sulk forever," she had said over the phone.

" _Sulk_? You think I'm _sulking_? For fuck's sake Nat, I lost my boyfriend, my job and I might lose my fucking apartment, all within six months and you think I'm _sulking_?"

Nat had sighed. "James - "

"Stop calling me James."

" _Bucky_. I know you're hurt and I'm going to help you in any way that I can _if_ the worst happens and you have nowhere to live. You know that. But you've been stewing over all of this for too long and now it's time to stop. Wade was an asshole who cheated on you _constantly_ and made you feel like shit. You hated your job and _they_ treated you like shit. I'm genuinely sorry that you might lose your place because I know how much you love it but _snap the fuck out of it_. You have to take control of your life and do something because this has gone on for too long. Clint's picking you up at seven."

She'd hung up, leaving him angry and frustrated but knowing that she was right. He had let a lot of what had happened continue to happen; he hadn't helped himself and he has to snap out of it. But that didn't mean that it hurt any less. Bucky just wants to sort through all of his crap on his own and if that means being sullen and alone for a while, so be it. Nat knows him better than anyone and he wishes she would just step back. But Nat is Nat and she never does that.

So now he's sat in the bar with Nat and Clint, being miserable and wishing he was at home on his own. Seeing other people in the bar having a good time isn't his idea of taking control of his life and snapping out of it. Nat gets up to go to the bathroom, leaving Clint and Bucky in an awkward silence.

"I'm sorry dude," Clint says and gives Bucky an apologetic shrug. "Nat's just trying to help."

Bucky sighs. "I know. I just really don't want to be around people at the moment and I just can't handle this right now. I don't know why she thinks she can fix everything all the time."

Clint seems a little nervous. "Buck, she might have - " but he's cut off when Nat returns to the table with some tall blond guy and Bucky suddenly knows _exactly_ what's going on.

"Steve, this is my friend Bucky I was telling you about. Bucky, this is Steve." She gives him a little smile.

Bucky can feel the anger rising in him and it's all he can do not to explode at Nat right now. Of all the times to try and fix him up with someone. He swallows back the venom and folds his arms, pointedly not saying anything.

"Uh, hi," Steve says and he sounds like this isn't quite what he was expecting from this evening either.

"Yeah, hi," Bucky says, his voice flat.

Clint flashes a look over to Nat and her expression falters for a nanosecond but then she just indicates to Steve to sit down. He sits next to Bucky and nervously runs a hand through his hair. Clint stands up quickly.

"Nat, come help me get some drinks at the bar," he says and holds her by the upper arm, leading her away and whispering fiercely in her ear.

Bucky is so furious that he can feel the tremors running through him but he just clasps his hands under his armpits and concentrates on not storming out.

"I...um...I think we've been set up," Steve says lightly with a little smile and Bucky knows that he's just trying to be nice, that he didn't plan this any more than Bucky did but he's too far gone to try and be nice back.

"Yeah, no fucking shit, Columbo," he snaps and he hates himself for being such a dick.

Steve looks hurt, then frowns and looks down at the table. He doesn't say anything else. When Nat and Clint come back with the drinks they can both sense the unease. Clint looks like he want to crawl under the table and hide for the rest of the evening.

"So," Nat says, "Steve's an artist."

"Whatever," Bucky says, more set now on trying to make Nat angry than anything else. She frowns and Bucky chuffs out a mean laugh.

Nat clenches her jaw. "He's done some work for - "

"I don't give a shit."

"I think I should go," Steve says quietly.

"Yeah, good idea," Bucky says and Nat finally snaps.

"James, what the hell is the matter with y - "

"Stop calling me James!" Bucky shouts and several people look over. He doesn't care though. "I didn't _ask_ for this. Stop fucking with my life, Nat." He stands up and shoves his chair back so hard it falls over. He grabs his jacket and leaves, his chest painfully tight, ignoring Clint as he tries to call him back.

***

He doesn't speak to Nat for the next two days and she doesn't speak to him either. He feels worse and worse as the two days go on; he shouldn't have been so nasty to that Steve guy - it wasn't his fault. Nat had dropped him in the shit as much as she had with Bucky and he had just tried to do his best in a crappy situation and Bucky didn't even give him a chance. He also knows that Nat just wants him to be the guy he was before he met Wade - the funny, easy-going guy who was full of confidence. But Wade had slowly taken all of that away from him, leaving him cold and paranoid and feeling like he was worthless. Bucky doesn't want to be this person anymore but he doesn't know how to not be. He finally calls Nat.

There's silence for a good two minutes when she answers and Bucky can see in his mind how her face looks on the other end. "What," she finally says.

"I'm sorry," Bucky says softly. "I'm really sorry."

"You were an asshole."

"I know."

"A total _asshole_."

Bucky sighs. "I know, Nat. I was really angry with you. I'm not ready to be set up and to just spring it on me like that...it was too much. But I was an asshole. I'm sorry."

He hears Nat take a breath. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have thrown you into a blind date. Clint's been angry with me for the last couple of days for doing it and yes. I admit it. I was very wrong to do what I did. But Steve didn't deserve that at all, Bucky."

"Can you give me his number? I want to apologise." Nat gives Bucky Steve's number. "Thanks. I know you're just trying to help me, but I'm just...I need to sort my head out on my own first."

"I just want my friend back," Nat says in a choked voice. "I hate Wade for what he's done to you."

Bucky can feel the tears starting to come and he swipes a hand across his eyes. "It was my fault. I didn't leave him and I let him treat me like dirt." His voice is wobbly and he can't remember the last time he let Nat hear him be this vulnerable.

" _No_. Don't do that to yourself. He chipped away at you bit by bit until it was too late. You loved him and he screwed with you. It wasn't your fault that you couldn't leave."

Bucky sniffs. "It was and I'm trying to deal with it. You know I'll come to you when I'm ready, Nat. You're my best friend. I know you care, I just don't do a very good job of saying thank you when I should."

"I just wanted you to meet someone who's the exact opposite of Wade. I thought you'd like Steve - he's a good guy."

"I'm sure he is," Bucky says, "but I'm just really confused and...I don't know what I want. Anyway, he probably doesn't think much of me after the other night."

"Give him a chance. Steve's a very surprising person." Nat blows her nose loudly and Bucky smiles. "Come over for dinner on Tuesday? Clint's making paella."

"Can he put in extra Chorizo?" Bucky asks, grateful for his friends. He loves paella and knows this was probably planned for him no matter if he and Nat were speaking or not.

"I'm sure I can persuade him."

***

Three days later and Bucky finally works himself up to get in contact with Steve but is suddenly too self-conscious to call, not wanting to try and stutter his way awkwardly through an apology. Steve would have every right to be angry with him or hang up but Bucky feels so worn out and on the verge of tears all the time that he doesn't want to face hostility from someone he doesn't really know. He decides to text instead.

 **BUCKY:** Hi Steve, it's Bucky from the other night. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for how I acted. It wasn't fair to you and I was a prick. I've had a rough year but that's no excuse and I'm truly sorry

He reads the message over and hits send. Steve will either reply or ignore him but either way, Bucky feels a little better. He almost wishes he _had_ given Steve a chance - Nat is notorious for her spot-on matchmaking (the one time he found someone on his own he ended up where he is now) - but he blew it. He sighs and heads out to the grocery store, leaving his phone on the couch.

***

It's over three hours later that he thinks to check his phone and is surprised to see a reply from Steve, received about ten minutes after Bucky sent his message.

 **STEVE:** Hi Bucky. Thanks for the apology - it means a lot to me and it must have been hard for you to decide to send it. I know how you must have felt, it was a surprise to me too when I figured out that it was some kind of blind date. I'm sorry to hear that you've had a bad time of it and I understand how that could have effected things for you the other night. No hard feelings

Bucky lets out a little moan; he wasn't expecting such a _nice_ response. He could just leave it at that, accept Steve's more than kind reply but he's tapping out another message before he can think better of it.

 **BUCKY:** That's more than I deserve

He's a little surprised when less than a minute passes before he gets a reply.

 **STEVE:** I doubt that

Bucky blinks. This guy doesn't even _know_ him to presume anything about him.

 **BUCKY:** I could be a sociopath for all you know

 **STEVE:** Well, according to Nat you're not and I trust her judgement when it comes to who she chooses to be friends with

Bucky raises an eyebrow.

 **BUCKY:** She talked about me?

 **STEVE:** She mentioned you a few times when we met up for drinks. I've only known her for about 8 months or so

 **BUCKY:** She's never mentioned you before but then I've been a little difficult to be around in the last 6 months. As you've witnessed...

 **STEVE:** It wasn't the most ideal of circumstances to be introduced in

 **BUCKY:** Are you always this nice to people who have been complete dicks to you?

 **STEVE:** I'm a firm believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt :)

 **BUCKY:** You're a better man than I am

 **STEVE:** I'm sure that's not true

 **BUCKY:** There you go, presuming things again

 **STEVE:** Nat regards you very highly, so I'll just go ahead and believe that you're a nice guy

Bucky can't help but smile to himself; is this guy for real? Bucky almost wants to be wary; Wade had pretty much made him want to believe that he wasn't good enough for any guy to be nice to him.

 **BUCKY:** Nat was trying to tell me that you're an artist the other night. What do you do?

 **STEVE:** Photography mainly, kind of weird stuff. I sort of find anthropomorphic aspects in everyday things and places. I do a lot of calendars

 **BUCKY:** Wow, I was expecting you to say you painted or something. That sounds a whole lot cooler

 **STEVE:** I enjoy it. I don't necessarily think I'm all that great TBH

 **BUCKY:** You got a website? I'd kind of like to be the judge of that. I bet you're good

 **STEVE:** Now who's presuming :P

 **BUCKY:** Well, Nat speaks pretty highly of you too

There's a longer pause this time between texts but then Steve responds.

 **STEVE:** **www.stevenrogers.com** It's still a WIP, don't expect too much

Bucky immediately checks the site and he's actually pretty impressed; aside from Steve being a _really_ good photographer, his work is funny and charming. He obviously has a great eye for humour.

 **BUCKY:** Wow, that's amazing :D Love the household appliances that look like they have faces

 **STEVE:** Flattery will get you everywhere

 **BUCKY:** No, for real - you're really talented

Another pause.

 **STEVE:** Thank you

 **BUCKY:** Sorry, I guess I must be distracting you from work right now

 **STEVE:** Actually, I'm on vacation. Only been here four days

 **BUCKY:** Nice. Where are you?

 **STEVE:** Florida. I'm not having a very good time though

 **BUCKY:** How come?

 **STEVE:** Well, I haven't been on vacation in nearly 5 years and my friend Sam pretty much made me take one but I'm here alone

 **BUCKY:** Nothing wrong with that

 **STEVE:** A 30 year old going to Disney World on his own is pretty sad. And looks kinda creepy

 **BUCKY:** Oh dude :)

 **STEVE:** I've been moping by the pool for the last two days

 **BUCKY:** At least it's warm right?

 **STEVE:** Are you one of those annoying bright-side kind of people?

 **BUCKY:** Not really - just trying to make you feel less like a creepy vacation loner

 **STEVE:** Gee, thanks :P

 **BUCKY:** You're welcome :D How much longer are you there for?

 **STEVE:** Ten days

 **BUCKY:** Youch!

 **STEVE:** Okay, enough about me and my pathetic vacation. How about you? What do you do?

 **BUCKY:** I lost my job a while back so nothing at the moment. They were really bad about the whole thing and I got shafted, pretty much. Kind of trying to re-evaluate what I want to do. That was partly why I was in a bad headspace the other night. I might also lose my apartment so I'm kinda stressed. Sorry, TMI

 **STEVE:** You don't have to apologise - I'm really sorry to hear that you might lose your place. As for the whole job thing, taking a step back after having a hard time of it is usually the best way to go. Something like that can be pretty rough to deal with

Bucky shakes his head; is Steve just being nice because he has to be or does he actually give a shit? Bucky is so good at second guessing and doubting himself by now, he can't tell. He's enjoying "talking" to Steve though. He remembers what Nat said about giving him a chance. He takes a deep breath and taps out another message.

 **BUCKY:** Another reason I was so hostile was because I'm 6 months out of a terrible relationship that I haven't forgiven myself for staying in

 **STEVE:** I'm sorry to hear that. How terrible was it if you don't mind me asking?

Bucky hesitates before he starts the next message; no matter how often he's weighed up all the shit that Wade put him through, no matter how many times Nat tells him, he's never been able to admit the relationship for what it was. It'll be a while before he can, to himself or to anyone else.

 **BUCKY:** Pretty bad. The guy I was with wasn't very nice. Story for another time maybe

 **STEVE:** I understand. For what it's worth, you seem like a decent guy

 **BUCKY:** And you made that assumption based on a nightmare blind date and a bunch of texts?

 **STEVE:** I made that assumption based on your apology

Bucky falters slightly, almost afraid to let himself believe that the guy talking to him thinks he could be worth any kind of a damn. It's hard to pick up on any emotional meaning in a text, at least not without some lame emoticon to make it clear, but Bucky can sense the sincerity behind Steve's messages.

 **BUCKY:** Thank you, Steve. Enjoy your vacation

 **STEVE:** Take care of yourself, Bucky

***

That evening, Bucky goes to Nat and Clint's for dinner (the paella has tons of extra Chorizo in it), still feeling like shit but maybe not _as_ shit, still thinking about his earlier exchange with Steve.

"I apologised to Steve," he says, opening another beer for Clint and refilling Nat's wine.

Nat raises an eyebrow. "And?"

"He was really good about it. Which made me feel like even _more_ of an asshole."

Nat chuckles. "Well, don't. Steve is like the most honest person I know and he wouldn't say anything that he didn't mean."

Bucky takes a swig of beer and studies the bubbles inside the bottle. "Yeah, I got that impression. What's his story?"

"Oh, so we're interested now?"

Clint clucks his tongue at Nat. "Give the guy a break."

Nat rolls her eyes. "Okay, okay. There's not much to tell; he's just a really nice guy. Funny, single..."

"Nat..." Bucky growls.

She throws her hands up. "Sorry. I met him in my Modern Literature evening class - "

"Nerd," Clint mutters with a smile.

" - and we just started to hang out." She throws a breadstick at Clint.

"So how come you never mentioned him before?" Bucky picks at his leftover rice.

Nat sighs. "I was waiting for the right time. Great job I did there."

Bucky just grunts and changes the subject.

***

The next morning, Bucky is making a half-assed job at updating his résumé and spending more time on Buzzfeed instead when his phone bleeps. He's kind of excited and slightly terrified when he sees that it's a text from Steve with a photo.

 **STEVE:** I finally made a vacation friend!

The photo is of Steve's legs up on a table in shorts with a cup of coffee resting on his thigh, obviously on the balcony of his hotel room, with a small brown lizard perched on his foot, basking in the sun. Bucky grins.

 **BUCKY:** Awesome! Maybe you can take him to Disney World

 **STEVE:** Ha ha. He's not moving...he's been there at least 30 minutes...

 **BUCKY:** Just wiggle your foot

 **STEVE:** I tried. He's still not moving. Shit - do you think they're poisonous?

 **BUCKY:** Look him up online

 **STEVE:** I can't - the hotel doesn't have WiFi and my phone has no internet

 **BUCKY:** How old is your phone that it doesn't have internet?!

 **STEVE:** It's a new phone, jerk, it just keeps crashing and I can't be bothered to fix it. I'm on vacation

 **BUCKY:** Okay okay, wait a sec - I'll look it up. Does it have any other distinguishing features besides "small and brown"?

 **STEVE:** He keeps puffing out an orange frill thing under his throat...

 **BUCKY:** Maybe that's where the poison is

 **STEVE:** That's NOT funny

Bucky smiles and types "florida lizard species" into Google and scrolls through the image results.

 **BUCKY:** Okay, looks to be a Brown Anole

 **STEVE:** And?

 **BUCKY:** And what?

 **STEVE:** IS IT POISONOUS

Bucky deliberately pauses before replying.

 **BUCKY:** Crap - this doesn't look good Steve...

 **STEVE:** Oh my god what

 **BUCKY:** Just kidding, they're totally harmless :P

 **STEVE:** YOU ASS

 **BUCKY:** I'm sorry, I couldn't resist :D

 **STEVE:** I nearly had a heart attack

 **BUCKY:** I'm sorry - that was mean (not sorry :P) What do you have planned for today?

 **STEVE:** I have no idea. How about you?

 **BUCKY:** Trying to update my résumé

 **STEVE:** How's it going?

 **BUCKY:** It's not

 **STEVE:** You'll get there. Set yourself a deadline and stick to it. Turn off the internet

 **BUCKY:** I've never been good with that kind of thing. I'm easily distracted. Much rather look up Florida's non-poisonous native lizards

 **STEVE:** :) Okay, tell you what - it's 10:30am now. I'll check back in at 3pm. Try and aim to have it done by then

 **BUCKY:** Sir, yes Sir

 **STEVE:** You owe me for making me think this little guy was dangerous

 **BUCKY:** Alright, fine. I'll try

 **STEVE:** :D

Bucky re-reads the conversation, unsure as to what is going on, but he thinks he likes it. It's been so long since he had any other friends besides Nat and Clint; being with Wade had gradually cut him off from several friendships and he isn't sure if they can ever be salvaged. Nat had resolutely stuck with him, working against Wade's poison and Bucky still feels guilty about some of the shit he'd put her through. But he isn't going to tell her about this, not just yet.

He doesn't even know what _this_ is, but he thinks he wants it to continue.

***

By 2:30pm, Bucky has not only updated his résumé, but emailed it to several agencies. He'd disconnected the internet and put his phone out of reach, forcing himself to finish, determined to have something positive to tell Steve when he texts again. At least, he hopes Steve will text.

At 3pm on the dot, his phone bleeps and Bucky snatches it up.

 **STEVE:** So?

 **BUCKY:** Résumé complete and now with four job agencies :)

 **STEVE:** Fantastic! :D

 **BUCKY:** I can't believe I actually did it

 **STEVE:** What can I say? I'm good :P

 **BUCKY:** Yeah, yeah...

 **STEVE:** I'm sure you would have done it without me

 **BUCKY:** Not today, that's for sure. But in all seriousness, thanks

 **STEVE:** You're welcome

***

Over the next few days, Bucky and Steve text each other a lot; Bucky can't keep up with who initiates each conversation but he's excited any time he gets a new message. Steve sends him a selfie at some medieval themed dinner and jousting place; he's wearing a yellow cardboard crown, an embarrassed look on his face. Bucky didn't quite realise how cute Steve is, having not spared him two glances at the bar that night.

 **STEVE:** Sad Loser Attends Themed Restaurant Alone

 **BUCKY:** That's 50% tragic and 50% amazing

 **STEVE:** My crown or that I actually came here on my own?

 **BUCKY:** Both

 **STEVE:** The horses are pretty impressive at least

Bucky smiles and grabs a sheet of paper from his printer. He cuts and tapes it into a crude crown and takes a selfie wearing it with a big open-mouthed grin and a thumbs-up.

 **BUCKY:** Now we're sad crown-wearing losers together

 **STEVE:** I can't stop laughing

***

 **BUCKY:** Okay, your turn - favorite movie

 **STEVE:** Lars and the Real Girl

 **BUCKY:** Really?? The Ryan Gosling movie?

 **STEVE:** It's so not what you think it is - you should watch it

 **BUCKY:** Fine but if I do you have to watch Escape From New York

 **STEVE:** Okay, deal (regrets making deal already)

 **BUCKY:** Wait until I make you watch Big Trouble In Little China :D

 **STEVE:** *sighs*

***

 **STEVE:** My Mom died when I was 13. Cancer

 **BUCKY:** Shit, I'm sorry Steve

 **STEVE:** No, it's okay. It was hard for a long time but I knew I had to just carry on with my life because she'd want me to

 **BUCKY:** I can't imagine going through that, especially at 13

 **STEVE:** Yeah, puberty was great

 **BUCKY:** But you're here now, with a successful job, well adjusted

 **STEVE:** I don't know about that...

 **BUCKY:** Well, you've helped me with a few things since we started talking. I wouldn't have 2 job interviews coming up if it wasn't for you

 **STEVE:** I don't know what to say to that

***

 **STEVE:** Oh man, I just ate my body weight in the BEST chicken wings. So good, yet...so bad

 **BUCKY:** Great, now I want wings

 **STEVE:** So go get some

 **BUCKY:** It's 9:30pm - I'm in my pyjamas and I'm not leaving the house. I'll just have to suffer in silence

 **STEVE:** Throw on a jacket; no-one needs to know that you're in your jim-jams

 **BUCKY:** 1) I can't believe you just used the term "jim-jams" and 2) my "jim-jams" consist of boxer shorts and nothing else so at the risk of getting arrested if I leave the house wearing just that and a jacket, I'll give it a miss

 **STEVE:** You know what, I'm still hungry. I might order another basket of wings...

 **BUCKY:** YOU SUCK, ROGERS

 **STEVE:** :D :D :D

***

 **STEVE:** I don't know, I've never felt very confident

 **BUCKY:** It doesn't show - you seem like a confident person

 **STEVE:** It's easy to be confident through a text though. IRL I'm a mess

 **BUCKY:** On the nightmare blind date you weren't a mess. I was a total mess. You were a gentleman

 **STEVE:** But you were an understandable mess

 **BUCKY:** But only when I told you why. You must have thought I was a complete prick, come on

 **STEVE:** Okay, completely honest? Yes, I thought you were a prick. But when you left, Nat defended you even though she was angry and I trusted her enough to believe that you weren't, not really

 **BUCKY:** So...what do you think of me now?

 **STEVE:** You're okay, I guess :P

***

The banter between them is easy and fun, but they're also honest and open with each other and Bucky considers calling Steve and actually _talking_ to him, but he decides not to. Surely if Steve had wanted to talk to him he would have called by now? He tries not to read too much into their strange friendship but it feels right, whatever it is. Bucky has become so used to texting Steve everyday that he doesn't think twice before frantically sending him a message after he hears from his landlord.

 **BUCKY:** HOLY SHIT I JUST HAD THE BEST NEWS

 **STEVE:** What?????

 **BUCKY:** I'm keeping my apartment!!!

 **STEVE:** That's great news! I'm happy for you :)

 **BUCKY:** Thanks :D God, such a fucking relief. I'd better call Nat and let her know

 **STEVE:** You told me before you told Nat?

Bucky stares down at his phone; yeah, that was weird. He hadn't even realized.

 **BUCKY:** Yeah. I guess I didn't even think about it

There's a pause before Steve's next message comes through.

 **STEVE:** I'm glad you told me

 **BUCKY:** Me too

***

Steve's vacation is slowly reaching the end and Bucky has no idea what's going on between them. He's attracted to Steve, that's one thing he knows. But how can you be attracted to someone just through texts? It feels like they've been in constant contact with each other and Bucky has felt more relaxed and...well, _happy_ than he has been in a long time. But what happens once Steve is back in New York in two days time? Do they meet up? How does this...whatever-it-is translate into real life? Steve hasn't said anything about where they go from here so neither does Bucky.

"You seem...different," Nat said the other day when they had met for lunch.

"Different how?" Bucky hadn't been able to decide between a burger or tuna salad.

"Less sad, maybe." Nat had watched him closely. "Definitely less grouchy."

"Well I might get that job I wanted, the one at the computer place." He didn't tell her about Steve because then she would want to know what he intended to do about the whole thing and he wouldn't know what to tell her.

She had dropped the matter and had talked about Clint's new model-making hobby instead. "He's making ships out of matchsticks! I don't know who I married!"

Later that evening, Bucky decides to take a risk.

 **BUCKY:** So that bad relationship I mentioned

 **STEVE:** Wade, right?

 **BUCKY:** Yeah. Look, this is pretty heavy - you don't have to listen out of obligation

 **STEVE:** I've never listened to anything you've told me out of obligation, Bucky

Bucky thinks for a few minutes; he almost wishes that Steve had taken the out he'd just given him but he thinks he knows Steve well enough by now, or as well as he can through several hundred text messages. Steve is honest and sincere and that makes Bucky nervous because he knows that Steve will tell him what he thinks, no matter what.

 **BUCKY:** Wade was amazing when I first met him and I fell pretty hard for him. We moved in together after four months and it was great for a while, but then he started to show his true colors. He would insult and undermine me all the time - kind of just like we were having a normal conversation, half the time it would only be like an hour later that I'd realise what he'd said. Then he started to get mean. He would sell my stuff on ebay without telling me, would blame me for anything that went wrong, shout at me, tell me I was stupid, that I was lucky I had him because no-one else would want me. I wanted to leave him but by then I'd convinced myself that everything he said was true, that no-one would want me. He started to bring guys back to our apartment - at first when I was at work or with Nat, and I knew, but I didn't say anything. Then he started to bring them back when I was home, just walk right by on his way to the bedroom with the guy, and he would smile at me. Then he would fuck them in our bed. And I didn't do anything. By then, I was so scared to be on my own that whenever he brought someone home, I just went to Nat and Clint's. Nat tried to get me to leave him but I never did because he could still be the guy I fell in love with and I wanted that so badly. I thought if I showed him that I was still willing to be with him, no matter what he did, he would see that and change. I kept going back and he kept treating me like shit and I let him. And then he left me. I was so angry at myself that HE had been the one to end it. I should have ended it. But I didn't

Bucky has to write it all over several texts but Steve waits for him to finish before he replies. There's a long period of nothing and Bucky suddenly panics, thinking that he's scared Steve off for good. But then his phone bleeps.

 **STEVE:** Shit, Bucky. I'm so so sorry. No-one deserves to be treated like that. Least of all you

Bucky can feel the sting of tears but holds them back.

 **BUCKY:** But I let it happen. I didn't leave

 **STEVE:** It's not always that easy. It's fine to watch someone in a relationship and think you know what's going on but it's another thing to be in it

 **BUCKY:** What kind of person am I to have let it happen? I always thought I was strong but I'm not

 **STEVE:** You are strong. You just ended up with someone who wanted to make you weak and unfortunately he succeeded, but it wasn't your fault

 **BUCKY:** How can you say that? I LET him drive me into the ground, I LET him fuck other guys and I stayed with him. What kind of person does that make me?

 **STEVE:** Someone who tries to see the absolute best in someone else no matter what they've done? A forgiving person? A decent person? It doesn't make you a bad person, Bucky. Not by a long shot

 **BUCKY:** Nat keeps telling me that Wade was abusive, but he never hit me or anything

 **STEVE:** A relationship doesn't have to be physically violent to be abusive

 **BUCKY:** I've tried so hard to convince myself that I wasn't in an abusive relationship, that I could never let that happen to myself but I was and I did

The tears are coming now and Bucky shakes as he writes his texts.

 **STEVE:** But you're out of it now. You have your life back

 **BUCKY:** Who would want me, though? After I stayed and let myself go through all of that?

There's another long pause, far longer than the one before.

 **STEVE:** I would

Bucky blinks down at those two words, the two words he was hoping he would see but instead of feeling happy, he's suddenly terrified; terrified of letting himself get hurt again, terrified that Steve might actually _want_ him. He shouldn't have told Steve all of this; of course Steve would say that, he's kind and genuine (and honest, Bucky knows he's honest but he won't let himself hear that) and he would just want to make Bucky feel better. Bucky just cries even harder and throws his phone across the room.

***

He sleeps until 1pm the next day, exhausted and confused. He finds his phone on the floor over where he'd thrown it and picks it up. Luckily, it's not broken. There aren't any new messages from Steve, not since his last one. Bucky wants to reply to him but he has no idea what to do or what he wants. What did he think he was going to get out of all this? What did Steve think was going to happen? Bucky suddenly doesn't want to find out, letting himself think the worst: That he could never deserve a guy like Steve.

***

He gets a call from the computer place and they want to hire him, starting next week. Bucky is overjoyed, wanting more than anything to tell Steve but it would just look weird now when he hasn't acknowledged his last text. His flight back to New York is tomorrow morning and Bucky feels like this thing they've had ends with Steve's vacation. It's almost midnight before Bucky works up the courage to finally text him, unable to think of anything else the whole day.

 **BUCKY:** Hey

It's over twenty minutes before he gets a response.

 **STEVE:** Hey

 **BUCKY:** I got that job. The one at the computer company

 **STEVE:** That's great, congratulations

 **BUCKY:** Are you all packed for tomorrow?

 **STEVE:** Yeah

 **BUCKY:** What time is your flight?

 **STEVE:** 7:15am

Bucky feels terrible. He can tell that Steve is hurt. He never answers his texts like this.

 **BUCKY:** Have a safe trip

He doesn't get a reply.

***

Bucky thinks about Steve all the next morning, wondering if he caught his flight okay, if he's landed now and back in New York. His fingers hover over his phone a million times, ready to just send Steve a message asking if he wants to meet up, that he's an idiot and that he thinks he really likes him. But he chickens out at the last minute, angry at himself for being such a coward.

At 4:30pm, his phone rings and his heart leaps into his throat, hoping that it's Steve but it's Clint.

"Dude, I need my West Wing box set back," his voice is hushed and slightly muffled.

"I'll bring it with me when I come over tomorrow," Bucky takes it off of his DVD shelf and puts it by the front door so he'll remember.

"No, I need it _now_ ," Clint says desperately.

Bucky frowns. "What's so important that you need a box set of a show that ended eight years ago right this _second_?"

Clint is quiet for a moment. "It's...for a work thing. Buck, I like need it _right now_."

Bucky gives a loud exasperated sigh. "Fine, I'll bring it now. You're so weird, Clint."

Bucky heads over to Nat and Clint's apartment. When Wade finally left him for good, he had moved closer to them; not so close that they were constantly in each other's faces but close enough that a movie night and a bunch of beers were within walking distance. He uses their spare key to let himself into the lobby and heads up to the second floor.

Clint answers the front door within seconds of him knocking, bright-eyed and slightly manic looking. "Bucky!"

Bucky scowls and thrusts the box set into Clint's hands. "Here's your stupid DVDs."

He's about to tell Clint that he at least owes him a beer or something for bringing it back when Nat comes out of the living room and steps up to Clint, closely followed by Steve. Bucky stiffens slightly and Steve freezes, clenching his jaw.

"Okay, so we'll see you on Friday. Right, Steve?" Nat nudges Steve towards the door and Clint steps aside, giving Steve a hard shove.

Steve staggers into the hallway next to Bucky who is now staring with fury at a smiling Clint. "I guess so, what time - " Steve begins but they slam the front door, leaving the two of them standing awkwardly together on the landing.

Steve is taller than Bucky remembers, his blond hair short and neat aside from a slight cowlick at the front. He folds his arms and stares down at the floor, his brow furrowing nervously. Bucky shifts on his feet; he knows that Nat and Clint are watching them through the peephole in their front door.

"I think we've been set up," Bucky finally says and Steve looks up at him.

"Yeah," he says.

"Can I buy you a coffee?" Bucky asks softly.

Steve eyes search Bucky's for a second, so earnest and full of hurt that it makes Bucky's stomach ache.

"Sure," Steve says at last. He heads off down the stairwell and Bucky follows, but not before giving the finger to Nat and Clint's front door.

***

"I'm sorry," Bucky manages after they sit down with their drinks in a place down the street from Nat and Clint's apartment.

Steve stares down at his coffee. "I thought you liked me."

"I do, Steve. I just got...scared. I don't want to keep using it as an excuse but my relationship with Wade fucked me up so much, when you said...when you texted what you did...that you would...want me...I panicked. I...I almost called you a few times."

Steve looks up. "Why didn't you?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

Steve fiddles with his cowlick. "I don't know. I was scared too, I guess. I didn't want to ruin the whole thing. I was having a great time."

Bucky gives Steve a little smile. "Me too."

"I'm glad you told me what you did. About Wade." Steve meets Bucky's eyes and holds his gaze until Bucky looks away.

"I didn't realise just how much he screwed me up. When I started to think that you liked me back I suddenly just..." He can't quite get the words out.

Steve reaches across the table and takes Bucky's hand in his. It's warm and strong and he rubs his thumb across Bucky's fingers. He looks up at Steve and smiles.

"We kind of did everything ass backwards, didn't we?" Steve says.

Bucky laughs and gives Steve's hand a squeeze. "I don't know; it was a pretty direct way to get to know each other."

"So how about we get to know each other face to face? On a real date." Steve's smile is the best thing Bucky has ever seen.

"That would be great."

"Oh," Steve says and reaches into his jacket pocket with his other hand, still holding Bucky's over the table. "I got you a gift from Florida."

"You've been carrying it with you?" Bucky never wants to let go of Steve's hand.

Steve gives him a look. "I put it in my pocket when I bought it and kind of forgot about it until now." He places a small plastic lizard on the table in front of Bucky and Bucky laughs again, picking it up.

"I love it. Thank you." He looks at Steve. "And thank you for giving me a chance. You could have totally ignored my apology when I sent it."

"I'm glad I didn't," Steve says.

"I meant to ask, why were you at Nat and Clint's?"

Steve chuckles and rubs the back of his neck. "I was asking for their advice. About you and what I should do."

Bucky groans. "And their immediate response was to trick me into coming over and shoving us together. Again."

Steve grins. "Well, it worked. We'll have to thank them eventually."

"Meh," Bucky says with a smirk and a shrug. "We'll text them."


End file.
